Never Fuck a Pineapple

Anyone that knows me will vouch for the fact that any advice i give is absolutely fucking fantastic. Therefore heed my words. If you are thinking about indulging in fruit fornication, then choose your fruit wisely. Pineapple rings (if you're a bloke) are acceptable if you bunch together 9 or 10 of them however, be you male or female....Never fuck a pineapple. If you are going to indulge yourself with the tinned variety i would recommend Del Monte. (The man from Del Monte, he say YES) Steer clear of Tesco's own brand at all costs. They are the cheap hookers of the fruit kingdom.

Why is he babbling about fucking pineapples i hear you cry?! Why indeed! It is an important issue which must be addressed, therefore i bring it to your attention today, before someone causes themself a serious fruit related injury. The Chilli peppers nearly got it right, but missed the point slightly with Californication, which should of course have gone:

Dream of Fruit Fornication
Dream of Fruit Fornication

(but steer clear of Pineapples)

Do not say i haven't warned you, by all means go for the gentle loving of a mango or the raw sexual freshness of a moist kiwi, but heed my advice when it comes to the rough and readiness of the pineapple. There are dangers involved. In a nutshell, the next time i use the phrase 'Never Fuck a Pineapple' you now know the seriousness of this powerful statement.

Thanks for listening....oh and NEVER fuck a pineapple

 

 

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