Annoying people on the internet

1. If you belong to a social networking site such as Myspace or Facebook why not take a picture of yourself in the mirror in a variety of different poses and then bombard all your friends with endless bulletins saying 'comment me' (i know a lot of people do this already, but heres the twist) Once a comment is left, message them back and say 'Why are you commenting over my pictures?! you've been masturbating to them again havent you? WELL?? HAVENT YOU?!! you sick sick puppy'

2. Visit a dating site and register and start chatting someone up - once they've gained your trust and agreed to meet you for a date - finish the conversation with this message 'I'm very much looking forward to meeting you, you remind me a lot of my mum. I loved my mum I DIDN'T MURDER HER, i have an alibi and everything, i was nowhere near her house when i submerged her in the pool, over and over agin - the bitch made my life hell....grrrr.....i hated her' Now giggle profusely to yourself and buy yourself an ice cream.

3. Why not email all of your friends and invite them to a party. Pick one friend (lets call her miss/mr x) and tell every other friend that miss/mr x is harbouring a secret crush on them. Once at the party prop yourself on the bar and watch is sexual delight as miss/mr x scratches his/her head wondering why everyone is being either funny with them or flirting outrageously.

4. Start emailing vacuum cleaner/window/timeshare companies the email below:

To whom it may concern,

Congratulations! for you have been randomly selected to receive this email! Yes, thats right, YOU. Our extensive database has picked you at random AND a lucky family member to receive this email AND another email of equal or higher value every week for a year!! What do you have to do? absolutely nothing! Just sit back and relax and enjoy this email and many others like it, sent directly to your inbox for a whole year for absolutely no money at all*terms and conditions apply **emails charged to phone bill at £2.50 per email.

To unsubscribe please email back with the word 'unsubscribe' and you will be unsubscribed for free after your first three hundred and seven emails! All the team at emails4u.com

Theres some Online ways to irritate people which i'm sure you'll find extremely useful. Stay tuned for part two where i'll show you how to irritate people to the brink of suicide.

Annoying people for your own personal amusement

1. Phone a friend. When they answer simply say 'Hello' - they will invariably reply by saying 'Hello' or 'Alright mate' or something very similar.
Now you must say these exact words DO NOT DEVIATE FROM THE SPECIAL WORDS 'I'm a tad busy mate, can you call me back later' then hang up on your friend and giggle prefusely to yourself (like a schoolboy who has got away yet again with masturbating during an english lesson) at the thought of the look of utter confusion on your friends face.

2. Print a piece of paper with 'INVOICE' as the heading and underneath 'Large Bunch of Banana's £2.99'. Walk in your nearest supermarket, head directly to the fruit and veg section. Pick yourself a nice big bunch of bananas. head to the checkout and proceed to hand the bananas to the cashier. After she/he/it has swiped them through, smile sweetly at them and say 'That will be £2.99 please' wave the invoice at them until they either pay you or have you violently removed from the store by security.

3. Offer to make the drinks for everyone at work during tea break. Pour vodka into everyone's tea (or coffee) and enjoy the rest of the day watching everyone get off with each other and fuck violently over their desks. You may wish to use cocaine instead, its a tad more expensive but this will make them horny and is virtually untracable. Also another benefit of this, is the fact it will numb your bosses mouth and you wont have to listen to their fucking irritating voice all day.

Annoying people at the hospital

Wrap a small christmas tree completely in bandages, lie on a hospital bed,with both legs apart, place the bandaged tree between your legs and the other end in the stirrup for sprained ankles and shout 'Nurse you gave me viagra instead of pain killers'

Stand over someone reading a magazine in the waiting room with your hands on your hips staring at them and twitching until they offer you their magazine. Take it and shout 'you win this time, but i'm watching you and when you slip up.....' wave your finger at them. Repeat the process with everyone in the room consecutively until you get thrown out.

Put a police box in the middle of one of the corridors using a forklift truck stolen from a nearby building site. Stand in it and occasionally jump out when you hear people passing by and tell them 'I am the doctor - any idea which operating room, i'm in today?'

Pour apple juice in urine specimen jars and walk around the hospital drinking them - offer them round to patients and tell them you made it fresh this morning.

Walk into accident and emergencies (make sure people are watching you) walk up to a wheelchair, sit in it, wheel yourself to reception and say 'I just forgot how to walk, for the love of god help me' start crying hysterically. Then stand up and calmly say 'It's ok, i seem to be better now. Walk the wheelchair back to where you got it from and walk back out of the front door!

Annoying people at Blockbuster Video

1. If you see someone looking at the sleeve of 'the sixth sense' walk up to them and say 'You'll love, the twist at the end its genius - you'd never have guessed he was a ghost!'

2. Open a bag of popcorn and sit crossed legged on the floor opposite the people at the till. Munch the popcorn and laugh at them hysterically whilst pointing.

3. Tip all of the dvd's out of the bargain bin and build yourself a wendy house out of them. Refuse to come out until your lawyer is present.

4. Go up to a shelf and pick up Dvd's one by one, glance at the dvd cover, shout 'seen it' then toss it casually over your right shoulder (repeat until shelf is empty)

5. Ask the person behind the counter if they have any of your movies (look enthusiatic) watch them squirm because they don't want to tell you they have no idea who you are.

6. Do the macarena in the middle of the store

7. Ask the assistant if they have any documentaries on serial killers, say that you like serial killers and you want to watch them at work.........twitch constantly

8. Take a pile of Dvd's up to the counter and enquire where the changing rooms are - wave a copy of back to the future in their face and ask if they have it in your size.

9. Keep looking at the security camera and mouthing 'I love you' (wink and pout)

10. Take some chocolate up to the counter and enquire if it comes in any other flavour

 

Annoying people at a speed dating event

Grin inanely at the person opposite you for the whole 3 minutes, do not break eye contact - don't answer any of their questions. At the very last second say 'well it was lovely meeting you, can i have your phone number?'

Look agitated squirm on your seat and announce to the person opposite 'I think i'm touching cloth'

Everytime someone you don't fancy sits opposite you pull a loudhailer out from under the table and scream 'NEXT' into it

Talk to the person opposite you using only a sock that you've drawn a face onto and placed on your hand

Announce to the person opposite you that you are wearing Bridgette Jones pants with the crotch cut out then ask for their phone number

Sit with your back to the person for the whole 3 minutes singing 'Who let the dogs out' very loudly

 

 

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